After an amazing counseling session with my home pastors, this post was tugging at my heart. At a certain point during our premarital counseling, my pastor who has known me and my family since childhood, made a point to tell us that a relationship with God is a direct line, but people often fail to realize that marriage is a direct line as well. It was during this same session that after speaking about the trials and tribulations of our pasts, she reminded me, with one simple sentence, that I didn't deserve the things that had happened to me. It was these two pivitol moments that somehow shook me to my core, and just weeks before my wedding, filled my womb with a brand new fire for life. The words were so simple. But until that point of doing my best to just live in the bliss that was my amazing husband and our family, I hadn't realized that unlike with every tragedy or drama that happens in my life, I wasn't spending any time analyzing my situation. I sat in my room alone, going over everything in my head at 60 mph and suddenly broke out in tears. I was living and breathing eyes wide open, witnessing my season of restoration. Not only did I come to a realization of my pastors' words about being undeserving of tragedy, but like a freight train the impact of just how much I had actually been through hit me head on. From the big things, to the little things, to the things that I never speak about. Tears ran down my face like bullets. And as if I was watching myself from the outside in, for just a moment, I stood in awe at how once again after something that should have broken me into a million pieces, I was instead standing. I marveled at how my heart could even continue to work and beat hard enough to fall in love with my husband, who was very much so a direct line to God. I thought of my little sisters, and all of the young women entering adulthood. I thought of my friends and other women that I knew, fighting to just make it through a season. I thought of my parents... And how until both of their last days, they were fighting for something. With fire in my hands and tears dropping like rain onto my t-shirt I wrote this post, and it is my hope and prayer, that whoever you are reading this, and whatever you are going through. You find the strength to get up again.
I've lived on this Earth for 30 years, I've been bullied, I've been outcasted, I've been demoted from my calling (which isn't even possible) by a pastor who didn't want me to share my light. At a young age, this was detrimental to my perception of God. My family has been destroyed, my home has burned down (literally). Friends have betrayed me and turned their backs on me, I dealt with an abusive and alcoholic father who, despite the drama, and underneath the pain, I adored. My mother passed away, and 3 short years later, 3 months before my wedding and days before my 30th birthday, my father died. I found myself completely orphaned by age 29... And all of that just barely scratches the surface. In all of these years and with everything I've been through. With tears in my eyes, I've chosen to stand, I stand time and time again. Trust me, the devil can't stand it.
Was it fair? Never. Not one time was I deserving of things that have happened in my life, but I am still standing and I will continue to stand. To anyone reading this, you may find yourself going through one of the worst seasons of your entire life, I've been there a few times and guess what? You WIN this battle. No matter how hard or rough it gets, don't you dare sit down! Don't you dare roll over! GET. UP. Remember who your father is, remember the promise over your life, over your parents' lives, and those who came before them! Today is the time. Today is the day that you decide to never again be a VICTIM. I DARE you to get up. I DARE you to STAND up! We are born into a generation of warriors, a generation who can see what others before us could not. We are generation of strength and of reselience! Not ONCE was the intention of your life for you to crumble and die! I'm standing here with battle scars and war wounds, to tell you that the battle is already won. You have a God who has all of the ammunition that you could ever need if only you would decide to get up. To STAND. UP! So, your friends don't like you anymore. So, they're jealous and don't support you. So, your boyfriend left you. So, your babymama crazy. So, you lost your job. So, that drug is calling your name. So, your life is not where you want it. GET. UP. You serve a God who is bigger, stop limiting HIM! Stop limiting YOURSELF and the GOD IN YOU. You were born to rise and fall; it's time to RISE AGAIN. With everything in me, it's on my heart right now to just say: GET UP!! The last few months for me have been up and down like the roller coaster of my life. I find myself constantly praising God in every moment of beauty because Lord knows I've had my fair share of rain, and yet here I am. Learn to tell life to bring the rain. Bring the labor pains, you gotta be ready to birth this thing, to birth the LIFE resting inside of you. Say YES to the promises, say YES to the good. Let God be God and in this moment, GET UP. This battle is OURS.
Things are about to get really good baby. In my TD Jake's voice: "Get ready."