In a life of day parties, events, social climbing and trying to figure out the rat race he came and crashed into me out of nowhere. Everyone was used to dating at this point, one of our favorite things to do was to share disaster date stories about wounded soldiers and boys who were pretending to be men, not knowing the way between up and down and never really knowing what they wanted. Our worth was constantly tried but to us the funnest game was showing them EXACTLY who we were. Only to be temporarily devastated by the travesty that was men as an excuse for ice cream, burgers and wine. No one was actively looking for forever and it made our days long and beautiful and gave our time hope and fruitfulness. But mostly, just good stories and good food.....and tequila.
So out of nowhere comes this guy. Gorgeous, but I knew better. I made sure to never see him without my entire wall in tow. Every day that we spent getting to know each other was amazing, But the guard and travesty humor never left me. I sat back and watched him waiting for my chance to show him, waiting for the story worthy moment. But when he looked at me NOTHING wavered. Nothing shook, his eyes didn't wander and he had surety in his stance. He knew exactly what he wanted and that it was exactly me. Every ounce of his vibe and every action screamed "I want you in my life" It threw me so far off balance most days I didn't even know if it was reality or not. He knew exactly what I was worth. It was as if God himself showed him where I was and he purposely crash landed into me. Nothing that happened before me mattered and he fully intended on not having an after me. He made sure that anyone close to me knew the same. Over and over again as many times as I needed he showed me this. Naturally I assumed something had to be wrong. I'm human, and a woman.....so I searched to find it lol I found nothing. But my trust issues resurfaced like hibernating demons. There was no way it was this good. & it wasn't, he definitely had his share of circumstances, but I found no problems in the core of his being. None in who he was, ironically my entire life had just changed and I had a new found strength and confidence in what I could and couldn't handle. But to my surprise he took the same attitude with me and the life circumstances that I came with. Where others saw Mount Saint Helen he looked and saw mole hills. Nothing was perfect, but EVERYTHING was perfect. The common thread between us became "I deserve you" We did. I sit here now with him, our bare legs tangled, the sun dancing on our melaninated skin and Olivia Pope "handling" in the back ground. Baby at our feet lost in his own toddler world and paw patrolling his life away. My engagement ring bouncing off the light from our windows and every so often lifting it up and marveling in the blessing that life has been. Our weekend normal....swimming and finding glory in the space of "almost" and "not yet". I'm happy, but this happy was made just for me. Just the right amount of trial and tribulation, just the right amount of joy and heartache to put us here. I guess the point of this post is to share it. To take a piece of it all and let you feel it. It's so fucking beautiful to me. To let all of my fellow 20'somethings know that in this race of life every once in a while something happens that let's you know that you are right where you are supposed to be. Don't be ashamed to shine in those moments, to bask in it all. If at 21 you would have told me that it would look this way one day I would have laughed, but it's so true that God knows us and the desires of our heart so much more than we do. Just in case you're reading and waiting for the beginning of your forever I wish you all of the joy when it crash lands into you. I hope it turns your world upside down and throws you off balance. I hope you don't see it coming and it hits you like a train. & one day when you're happy, content and inspired about life I hope you share your weekend normal, when nothing is perfect, yet somehow, everything. Is perfect.
