Being a woman in America right now is one hell of a job. We are protesting for our rights, we are lawyers and doctors, we are people of power. But we are also still divided, still mistreated, still underestimated and still misunderstood. One of the most frustrating things about our existence is the fact that we are still fighting for the most basic of rights: to be seen and to be heard. As a woman of color it's twice as hard. Not only is it an uphill battle as well, but our "fight" is more like a never ending world war 3. The funniest thing about it all, is that women of color (& women period) are some of the strongest, resilient and most powerful people walking on Gods beautiful green earth. If you're reading this you're probably already winning some everyday battles and victories. But here's a few things to remember in your warrior journey along the way. You're not alone....
1. Stop Apologizing.
No you're not sorry. How many times are you walking around and subconsciously find yourself apologizing for every small thing. Someone bumps into you, "I'm sorry". You start to speak and someone butts in "I'm sorry". You are not fucking sorry. You will not apologize for existing. Your presence should be an honor to all who encounter you and it is not an accident. Everyday I walk out my door I want my complete energy to encompasses something like this: "I am not sorry if my life and the way I hold my head up and carry my magnificent ass frustrates you. I will not apologize for this reign. If me minding my business and flourishing in all of this golden cinnamon glistening skin pisses you off, hold tight. There will be no slowing down."
What do you need to exude more of? Whatever it is get it to your soul and make it stick. Unapologetically.
2. Tell them to shut up, and sit down.
Every woman on earth has had a moment when you've needed to stand up for yourself and didn't take it. We've all felt the fear, you don't want to be labeled an angry black woman, or any woman for that matter. You don't want to look tactless and you don't want to come off as too aggressive. Sis, you're a fucking goddess. A king. Do not fear telling negative or intrusive souls to "fuck off". I'm not saying to be Bad Girls Club crazy and to lose yourself in someone's else's madness, but understand who you are. Of course, some people are irrelevant and should be ignored and treated as such. By all means, choose your battles. Don't waste air space on airheads, but do not let people get away with disrespecting you. Give your warning shots and eloquently state your case. Do no harm love, But absolutely take no shit.
3. Be nobody's "little miss".
Honey, the 60's are over. If your will and desire is to be a housewife or stay at home mom, more power to you! That in itself is a full time job and should be treated as its own accomplishment. But, that is NOT the requirement for being a good woman. Made tables and cooked meals every night should be seen as a privilege and an honor, not a prerequisite. You were not born to wait on anyone but to carry and hold the weight of the world. If you find yourself trying to fit into a 60's housewife mold to be considered a good woman then stop. You're doing it wrong. The same goes for holding your body to unattainable standards to be seen as wifey material or acceptable. You are more than skin. Your purpose is a fire burning inside of you and waiting to be put into motion. There's a scene in one of my favorite movies, 'The Lion King', where Simba is staring into his reflection and a voice asks "do you know who you are". I hate that there are very few movies like that with female leads, but this applies to YOU! Your magnificence, do you know who tf you are?
4. Stop being fucking afraid of solitude.
I'm literally sick and tired of seeing so many people compromised for their fear of loneliness. Not the will for a spouse but the fear of it. I get it, I've been afraid to be alone in my life and I've been alone. In some of my most trying times I've prayed for someone to go through fires with me, only to look back and thank God I was able to do it alone. You never know how strong you are until it's time to be strong. But we're missing it ladies! I've been single in my life un younger years, desperately praying for companionship and missing all of the life-fight-training that was for me. Women are known for always being on the search for men and companionship; it's in our nature to build. Really, love is a beautiful thing and one of life's greatest lessons. But just as God places people together for a purpose, He also gives us solitude for the same reasons. Don't skip out on the fight training. As amazing and honorable as marriage and love is we were not ONLY made to be wives and girlfriends! The same goes for friendships. If your friends are jealous and petty, if they don't lift you up [and worse] if they don't correct you and tell you the truth, GO WITHOUT. Don't be afraid to wait for your tribe or rock with few numbers. Honor yourself with people that take you higher. No more only having friends that gossip and talk shit. No more enabling friends that encourage your madness, no more making friends that you are only cool with out of hate for someone else. Be a woman. Be a warrior. Do not fear the solitude that will build you.
5. Focus on the empire.
Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps. One foot in front of the other. Stop looking left and right for validation in your movements. Find the vision that God has provided you with and work. Make sure your goals are set in stone. Have 3 sets, goals for your health, goals for your money, and goals for your happiness. Write down all of the things you need to do to be independent. Even if you are in a relationship, focus on this. Credit scores, savings accounts, future. Sometimes I catch myself getting way too centered on these things and I have to correct myself but this is important. We have to stop depending on others in the world that don't care about us. Women's rights are sometimes seen as a joke, we need to build our own and provide for our own. If all of us are unified in working on ourselves imagine what we can do when it comes time to give opportunities to other women.
Make sure that you practice self love and take care of the temple. A lot of times it's easy to play super hero and forget yourself. Don't. You need you just like others do. Figure out what God has you here for, find the vision and purpose in your life and execute. The world is your kingdom, if they don't want to see you as the King you are, honestly and truly, fuck um. Don't be uncomfortable about your reign. 10 toes down baby.
